Tuesday, May 29, 2012

There is a distinction that i often make between the individual that we are and the individual that we pretend to be. While there is an argument to be made that the individual we pretend to be is contingent on we actually are, or that the individual we pretend to be is the individual we become, neither of those arguments negate the fact that there is a inherent difference between the two.
Thus we move on to the real discussion, discovering who we really are. Yes i realize the previous sentence was cliché, i meant it that way, for although it is generally a load of crap, that does not remove the validity of the question. Understanding yourself is something that is incredible difficult, because of the inherent inability of you to separate who you are as opposed to who you pretend to be or who you wish yourself to be. The only way that i can conceive is to observe yourself in extreme circumstances where your ability to think about your reactions is limited, daily routine is not indicative of natural character because it is designed to portray an image or to emphasize or deemphasize particular strengths or weaknesses. It is in the extremes that we can begin to determine what we are truly like, extreme comfort, discomfort are perfect examples. When we are extremely comfortable do we become gluttonous and do things we might regret or do we become generous and pull ourselves back from the brink. In extreme discomfort do we bemoan our fate and revel in the discomfort of others, or do we become industrious and good-natured. It is important to note that the examples given were extrapolations of seemingly minute thoughts and actions that occur in the heat of the moment.
However there is a key component to the discussion that is generally ignored when it is commonly discussed. The ability of rational action in opposition to this essential/natural character, it is possible for us to act contrary to our origional impulse. The interesting thing however is that this ability to act in opposition is something that is a essential characteristic that different individuals posess in differing amounts, i posess it to the point of ignoring the origional impulses completely and to not act on any extrapolation of emotions/feelings, others just enough when it counts, other not at all.
Thus in conclusion we can only truely understand ourself in moments where our ability to censor is absent and the ability to censor is something that is essential to consider as a characteristic.
Now here is the point that i start feeding my massive ego. My life is tightly compartmentalized, everyone that i know (with no exceptions) is aware of me only insofar as i let them. Which is why those of you that i know personally (those that i don't why you read this blog is beyond me but thank you) rarely know what is the catalyst for these posts. However if in finding blogs for those that i know i have discovered to an extent i had not before, that everyone struggles. Which is why i find myself to be so seperate, i have perfected being content, to the point that being sad or happy is almost an impossibility. My ability to ignore my feelings is both my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. While those of you i know may not know the catalyst for these posts, know that one exists and i do not ramble without reason.
And for those of you that actually read all of that, i had a drive today and this song popped on my ipod. While i don't particularly like it, it does have several redeeming aspects

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